{"id":148,"date":"2019-03-20T18:13:15","date_gmt":"2019-03-20T18:13:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/?p=148"},"modified":"2019-04-11T16:01:50","modified_gmt":"2019-04-11T16:01:50","slug":"red-flags-in-introductions-and-conclusions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/2019\/03\/20\/red-flags-in-introductions-and-conclusions\/","title":{"rendered":"Red Flags in Introductions and Conclusions"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">When I sit down to look over a student\u2019s writing, I want to be transported into someone else\u2019s logic. But when a typical academic assignment isn\u2019t fully developed, certain red flags begin popping up. This post will explore those flags and explain why students should avoid them in their writing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">There are a few phrases that teachers look for that usually mean the student didn\u2019t revise effectively from one draft to the next. Found within introductions, conclusions, and body paragraphs, these terms are referred to as <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">commonplaces<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\"> and they usually appear when writers aren\u2019t sure how to frame their opinions\/arguments properly. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">As Writing Center Director Mairin Barney points out, the worst introduction paragraphs contain sentences that are vague, oversimplified, cliche, or decontextualized. In the examples below, I\u2019ve allowed my <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\"><i>inner brat<\/i><\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\"> to come out and respond to these commonplaces (something I try to avoid when reviewing an actual student\u2019s writing).<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Commonplace Convicts:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The overly vague question\/statement<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: \u201cHave you ever had to juggle work with your other responsibilities?\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Who hasn\u2019t?!\u00a0<\/span><\/em><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">This is life on planet Earth we\u2019re talking about.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The oversimplified generality<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: \u201cAmericans today don\u2019t see eye to eye.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">You say that like we <\/span><strong>ever <\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">have.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Crack a history book and you\u2019ll see how this statement isn\u2019t telling anyone anything they didn\u2019t already know.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The cliche opener<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: \u201cIn today\u2019s world\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Whatever comes next doesn\u2019t matter because I\u2019ve stopped reading.\u00a0<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">(The same goes for \u201cnowadays\u201d and \u201cin current times.\u201d)<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The thing you\u2019re writing is considered\u00a0current in the moment you\u2019re writing it, but \u201cnowadays\u201d isn\u2019t specific enough to help the reader of these words 10 months or 20 years from now. Be more specific if <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">time actually matters to your point.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The decontextualized quote<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: \u201cTo be or not to be? That is the question.\u201d<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I know, right? <\/span><\/em><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Now explain your argument without writing a soliloquy, Bill. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">This is a written space for idea development, not exploring and romantically expressing internal quandaries. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-229 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/ec8967b6ed8d277b384ddd2455ee507b-william-shakespeare-shakespeare-funny.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"236\" height=\"264\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/ec8967b6ed8d277b384ddd2455ee507b-william-shakespeare-shakespeare-funny.jpg 236w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/ec8967b6ed8d277b384ddd2455ee507b-william-shakespeare-shakespeare-funny-100x112.jpg 100w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/ec8967b6ed8d277b384ddd2455ee507b-william-shakespeare-shakespeare-funny-150x168.jpg 150w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/ec8967b6ed8d277b384ddd2455ee507b-william-shakespeare-shakespeare-funny-200x224.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 236px) 100vw, 236px\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Many students start writing their papers by introducing what they know about the topic, and then adding formal language and phrases that basically say, \u201cI read all this stuff and got lots of great ideas, so now I\u2019m going to show you how to come to my same conclusions, too.\u201d This is a great way to dump your thoughts and questions into a draft, but the kind of writing you\u2019ll produce is closer to a personal journal entry than a polished work. They choose to procrastinate writing until they\u2019re forced to write the whole paper in a few short sittings and then submit it for review (smh, that poor teacher), rather than finding the most important themes to cover and organizing their argument coherently in a \u00a0different document than the brain dump.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">In my early college years, I myself used this flawed writing technique. Until a teacher gave me a C and told me they could highlight the areas where I had changed my mind about my argument, ending the paper with a completely different conclusion than what I\u2019d stated in my intro. I was embarrassed but my professor was right. I had used the writing assignment to think through the material and form a conclusion, rather than being influenced by the sources <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">before <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I began to write the assignment. That conversation taught me that the prewriting, or planning phase, of my writing process <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">can<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400\"> involve writing, it\u2019s just not the kind of writing I\u2019m willing to show a professor or boss anymore. It\u2019s better to show that writing to friends, workshop groups, or the writing center to have another set of eyes look it over after you\u2019ve revised all you can.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">If this is a habit you identify with, these two parts of your writing work need some TLC. Now let\u2019s take a lesson from one of my favorite intellectually low-brow comedy shows, Broad City:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-230 aligncenter\" src=\"http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows-300x224.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows-300x224.jpg 300w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows-100x75.jpg 100w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows-150x112.jpg 150w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows-200x150.jpg 200w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows-450x337.jpg 450w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/bb4351a10142956530f1ebcf806b29d9-broad-city-eyebrows.jpg 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The intro and conclusion <\/span><strong>are <\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">related <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">and there <\/span><strong>is <\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">a familial resemblance.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">In my writing process, once I\u2019ve written the majority of the piece and I can tell it\u2019s working well, I write an introduction to counterbalance the usually passionate conclusion I just finished. I like to think about these two sections like they\u2019re the door to a classroom. The writer is responsible for opening the door for the reader, sharing accurate and intelligent information, and then showing them out again in similar fashion. Readers need an intro that will ease them into the concepts and themes with confidence and clarity. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Knowing which genre you\u2019re writing in is incredibly important. Introductions aren\u2019t even required for a lot of documents in professional fields, and conclusions can end with demands, suggestions, moral pleading, or a perfect little bow depending on the author\u2019s rhetorical needs. Wherever your conclusion is now in the writing process, make sure it\u2019s not doing these things:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">The Conclusion Convicts:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The empty, throat-clearing phrase<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: \u201cAnd, therefore, it is important to keep in mind that &#8230;\u201d; \u201cIn conclusion\u2026\u201d; \u201cTo conclude&#8230;\u201d; \u201cHowever, it is important in arriving at such a conclusion\u00a0<\/span>to recognize&#8230;\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Get to the point- just say it.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><b>The overstuffed Oreo<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: \u201cYet another thing to consider&#8230;\u201d <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Oh, no you don\u2019t- <\/span><\/em><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">this is the end of the assignment, not a time for an afterthought. A conclusion containing new, unexplored ideas shows that the student hasn\u2019t taken the time to properly organize their thoughts in writing.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The confusion conclusion<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Whether it\u2019s adding more info in the conclusion, forgetting a topic sentence, or ending the assignment on a different topic, these mistakes usually make the whole paper confusing and ineffective. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">If you thought writing it was hard, try grading the thing. <\/span><\/em><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">It\u2019s not easy. <\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400\"><b>The missed connection transition<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">: Transitions can make a good paper great by tying up the loose ends of the writer\u2019s thoughts and arguments. Writers can do this by using keywords and phrases from the previous paragraph in the conclusion to help the reader make connections without having to explicitly make those connections for them.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: right\"><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">You don\u2019t have to be Captain Obvious\u00a0<\/span><\/em><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">but you can\u2019t expect me to be Miss Cleo either.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-231\" src=\"http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1-300x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1-300x300.png 300w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1-150x150.png 150w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1-100x100.png 100w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1-200x200.png 200w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1-450x450.png 450w, https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Miss-Cleo-1.png 500w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Conclusions can take any form at the end of the essay but the most effective ones function like good sales pitches; They\u2019re memorable because of the clarity of the message and the consistency of tone. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Remember to check your introductions and conclusions throughout the writing process to maintain your creative direction from start to finish. Make the necessary adjustments to the organization <\/span><b>before <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">fine-tuning transitions and looking for grammar mistakes. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">You don\u2019t want to freak out about tricky punctuation and then realize the whole paragraph needs to be deleted anyway because you got off topic.<\/span><\/p>\n<div style=\"width: 500px;\" class=\"wp-video\"><!--[if lt IE 9]><script>document.createElement('video');<\/script><![endif]-->\n<video class=\"wp-video-shortcode\" id=\"video-148-1\" width=\"500\" height=\"254\" preload=\"metadata\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"video\/mp4\" src=\"http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Dont-Take-Stairs-You-Dont-Have.gif.mp4?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Dont-Take-Stairs-You-Dont-Have.gif.mp4\">http:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/972\/2018\/11\/Dont-Take-Stairs-You-Dont-Have.gif.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Skip the stress and the extra revising work: organize, revise for commonplaces, and keep your writing muscles healthy and strong by doing lots of writing workouts.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When I sit down to look over a student\u2019s writing, I want to be transported into someone else\u2019s logic. But when a typical academic assignment isn\u2019t fully developed, certain red flags begin popping up. This post will explore those flags &hellip;<\/p>\n<p class=\"read-more\"> <a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/2019\/03\/20\/red-flags-in-introductions-and-conclusions\/\"> <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Red Flags in Introductions and Conclusions<\/span> Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1202,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27,28,16],"tags":[46,45],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1202"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=148"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":233,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/148\/revisions\/233"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=148"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=148"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/blogs.ubalt.edu\/writingthatworks\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=148"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}