Making Mistakes with No Fear (Or Why We Encourage Fearless Failures)

I love to write. I live with a mental illness, so my anxiety/depression combo doesn’t always enjoy having writing assignments, but I still love to write. I love to experience the process of my thoughts being shaped by words and coming out my fingertips to clack with a heartbeat on the keyboard. I love talking about writing, learning about writing, and practicing writing. I love playing with writing, reading writing, honing writing, and teaching writing; all of my peers at the Writing Center do.

For most students, writing is one of the worst chores they can be saddled with. (And not to sound sadistic, but that is exactly why students need more writing assignments.) We don’t like doing what scares us because we don’t want to fail, or we’re unsure of what to say once we get started. We don’t want to face the emotional work that must be done when we force ourselves to sit down and read articles that offer insights on new information. It can be a trial to grapple with our feelings and find something interesting to say about an unfamiliar topic.

But that’s exactly what we must do to become accustomed to the reality of daily, professional, grown-up work. Think of it like learning to walk as a toddler. First, we see examples of other people walking. Then we work our muscles a lot while we lay on our backs or crawl around. After a few months of prep work, we start learning to balance. We do this instinctively. We don’t have to sit in on lectures about the benefits of walking or list the dos and don’ts of the walking world. We just start. No fear. And we fail. Often. But we keep getting back up. We keep trying again.

I used to be an unhappy kid, surrounded by bratty older brothers and filled with perfectionism. If I tried my hand at something, I had to master it. If I wasn’t good the first time, I never tried again. I let cheerleading, knitting, and hacky sack get the better of me. I didn’t understand fine motor functions or self-compassion; all I understood was success or failure. I knew it felt good to try something new and have it work out perfectly, to feel accomplished. I knew it sucked to try something and have the result accidentally look like a skit from The Three Stooges.

I learned much later in life the value of determination; the strength it takes to get back into the uncomfortable space where you did something wrong the last time and try it a little differently. And again and again and again until it’s the most normal thing in the world to pick yourself up and evaluate the situation and get back in there. As Joseph Campbell said, “The cave you are afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek.” Therapy helps; if you think it’s scary or intimidating to go to therapy, maybe it’s time to rethink that assumption. The lessons you will learn in the process of facing that fear, overcoming that obstacle, and pushing through that hesitation, as well as the lessons we learn about ourselves– and our new perspectives on our experiences– are the lessons we are most desperate to learn.

I’ve noticed that the cultural norm that paints therapy with a negative hue also covers asking for help with the same kind of shame. However, we wouldn’t tell a person battling with suicidal thoughts to keep his problems to himself. We encourage people who have reached the end of their rope to reach out and grab the rope of another, to seek assistance, to find support and lean on the strength of others until they can stand on their own. Mental illness isn’t the only issue that can haunt us as adults; crippling insecurity, desperate financial straits, harmful gender expectations, health concerns, addictions of all kinds, and so forth. These are extreme examples but similar, subtler issues invade our daily personal lives, holding us back from achievements that are entirely within our capacity.

If you are a student that hates to write, let’s talk about it. I don’t need to convert you to being obsessed like I am. I just want to have a conversation, so you know I’m on your side; so you know you’re not the only one struggling, and you’re not alone. I won’t hold your hand, but I’ll read through the assignment and give you some clarity. I won’t email your professor for you, but I’ll give you resources that you can use to figure out how to get over your toughest obstacles. I won’t revise your paper for you, but I’ll read through it with an experienced set of eyes and find the mistake patterns you didn’t know you had and give you the tools to fix those patterns forever after.

You will have to make the appointment, come into the center, and sit at the table with me. But we will do the work together. And at the end of your session, after we talk about the fears that hold you back, identify your writing insecurities, and figure out where you are in the writing process and what’s expected of you, you’ll have a kind of road map to get you from here to there. And hopefully, you’ll have a spark of interest on which to draw as you dive into the next phase of your assignment.