Cicatrix Shells
Adrianna Gordey
For Nickel & other survivors
Past the peanut butter smeared handprints and blinking phone cameras, a mock Caribbean reef breathes with life. Bubbles of gossip float to the surface where a teardrop-shaped shadow eclipses the fluorescent sunshine. Scutes shield Nickel’s sensitive skin, but a deep tear teases at the meat beneath. I trace the coral branches of cicatrix on my chest as Nickel paddles in circles above me. The story of her scar is one of survival; she fought a Floridian motorboat and won. The cost of victory: forever floating. My imperfection attracts stares, unwelcome questions, and fish hook frowns. I cover it in mock turtlenecks, but it pulses beneath the polyester prison and begs for breath. Nickel’s scar exhibits strength. It doesn’t stop her from diving for lettuce or holding hands with her favorite aquarist or celebrating her twentieth Sheddiversary. Her recovery is cyclical, not linear. Survivors heal because they discover how to live despite the pain. As Nickel levitates above the traffic jam of bonnethead sharks, parrotfish, and mangrove whiptails, I finger the rubbery pink pendant and decide it’s my favorite accessory.
Adrianna Gordey (she/her) is a writer based in Kansas. When she isn’t writing, Adrianna can be found daydreaming about the Atlantic Ocean, assembling overly ambitious Halloween costumes, or reading young adult fiction. Her work has previously appeared in Passengers Journal, Touchstone Literary Magazine, Red Noise Collective, and elsewhere; it is forthcoming in Cotton Xenomorph, Hunger Mountain Review, and others. You can find her on Instagram @by_adrianna_gordey.