Delayed Gratification

I have never been great with impulse control.

I want 

and I want 

and I want.

It could be validation, or sex, or Anorexia, or drugs,

but anything besides unmitigated hedonism

frankly feels intolerable to me.

I have never been great with overcoming trauma.

I hurt 

and I hurt  

and I hurt.

Dysfunction and disorders and illness and angst

color the memory of my former self.

Once conditioned by life to anticipate pain, 

now I reject the slightest whisper of discomfort.

I have never been great with distress tolerance.

I flee 

and I flee 

and I flee.

Dopamine reigns king 

over the land of my limbic system,

so why on Earth would I ever turn down 

the chance to finally feel good?

I have never been great with delayed gratification.

I crave 

and I crave 

and I crave.

But if there is one thing which separates 

the uniquely-human capacity for reason 

from the base instincts of the reptilian brain,

it is the ability to wait

when you are convinced you need.

And I have never been great with change.

But I’m trying. 

I’m trying. 

I’m trying.

Greenstein

Shannon Frost Greenstein (She/They) resides in Philadelphia with her family and cats. She is the author of “The Wendigo of Wall Street,” a novelette with Emerge Literary Press, and “These Are a Few of My Least Favorite Things,” a poetry collection from Really Serious Lit. Shannon is a former Ph.D. candidate in Continental Philosophy and a multi-time Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net nominee. Her work has appeared in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, Pithead Chapel, Bending Genres, and elsewhere; she comes up when you Google her. Follow Shannon at shannonfrostgreenstein.com or on Twitter at @ShannonFrostGre. Insta: @zarathustra_speaks

 

 

My name is Jenna Porter and I am currently pursuing two bachelor’s degrees at Towson University, one in Information Technology and another in Art. I have had a fascination with the arts and sciences since I was very young. I love art especially because it allows me to more easily communicate my thoughts and perspective. The work “Backpack” was inspired by the popular online “InkTober” challenge, during which we make a drawing every day for the month of October. This one was made in Photoshop under the prompt “backpack.”